9.25.2003
i wish i could speak mexican -once again a very intelligent Ph.D. adds this after noticing a latin lab member reading a spanish publication.
what an idiot! -remark made by aforementioned Ph.D. when told that our illustrious leader "G Dub" said those exact words.
LabPlay: act 1 : scene 1
tech: are you going to use the imaging computer or are you going to the darkroom?
crazy-says-yes-no-matter-what-is-said-to-him: stares blankly, nervous laughter, exit stage left with unnecessarily brisk walk.
what an idiot! -remark made by aforementioned Ph.D. when told that our illustrious leader "G Dub" said those exact words.
LabPlay: act 1 : scene 1
tech: are you going to use the imaging computer or are you going to the darkroom?
crazy-says-yes-no-matter-what-is-said-to-him: stares blankly, nervous laughter, exit stage left with unnecessarily brisk walk.
9.17.2003
9.11.2003
a limerick
There once was a fucker named *ick,
who was cursed with a miniscule dick.
He made everyone hate him
by turning into Satan.
His mom even thinks he’s a prick
There once was a fucker named *ick,
who was cursed with a miniscule dick.
He made everyone hate him
by turning into Satan.
His mom even thinks he’s a prick
9.10.2003
"power off einstein"- moe sizlac, after a crayon-in-the-brain free homer is knocked unconscious with a 2X4.
in our lab, as with most highly visible labs, we get many graduate students doing their rotations and there is always something really creepy about each and everyone of them. whether it's the over-optimism of their careers in science or their quirky way of doing practically everything like the romanian student who ate only hotdog buns and mustard for every lunch, or the idiotic mishaps of the literature/theater major turned half-ass scientist. after several years of working in the lab you think that you have seen just about everything. this semester, though, there is a student phenotype that I have never encountered before. the know-it-all-never-shutting-the-fuck-up-for-two-seconds kind. all that can be heard within a ten foot radius is him yammering about how he has some ideas about this, or he thinks you should try that, or that he has some concerns about what we are doing. SHUT THE FUCK UP! you are here for a total of 7 weeks. our lab has been in existence for many many years (before this author was even born) do you really think you are going to have that much of an impact in 7 weeks? so to you potato i say "power off einstein!"
in our lab, as with most highly visible labs, we get many graduate students doing their rotations and there is always something really creepy about each and everyone of them. whether it's the over-optimism of their careers in science or their quirky way of doing practically everything like the romanian student who ate only hotdog buns and mustard for every lunch, or the idiotic mishaps of the literature/theater major turned half-ass scientist. after several years of working in the lab you think that you have seen just about everything. this semester, though, there is a student phenotype that I have never encountered before. the know-it-all-never-shutting-the-fuck-up-for-two-seconds kind. all that can be heard within a ten foot radius is him yammering about how he has some ideas about this, or he thinks you should try that, or that he has some concerns about what we are doing. SHUT THE FUCK UP! you are here for a total of 7 weeks. our lab has been in existence for many many years (before this author was even born) do you really think you are going to have that much of an impact in 7 weeks? so to you potato i say "power off einstein!"
9.05.2003
it's like getting your braces taken off
now that's no quote. that's a universal feeling for anyone who's ever had braces. after months and months of anxious and desperate waiting, the day comes. the removal is slightly painful and bit uncomfortable. but at long last. they're off. the first few hours are the worst. it's all a little strange. you feel like your great-aunt, with your lips flapping over your seemingly bare and receding gums. you drool a bit and grossly overestimate how far your clumsy lips have to go in anticipation of those horrible brackets, making you look like that giraffe you saw at the zoo as it stretched those extra centimeters trying to get that last leaf. and those teeth against your tongue. all smooth and slippery, they've definitely shrunk. but then you wake up the next day. everything is perfectly straight and normal, everything exactly where it's supposed to be. suddenly, it's like this is how it was always meant to be. and you can't stop smiling.
and that's exactly how it feels here in this blessed place. the wind has changed in our little world, and it's not cause of mary poppins. sure, you can liken mary to this person, a little anal, a little stern, but in the end, we're talking apples and oranges. cause there's no amount of sugar that would've made this shit go down. so yes, it's true. small wonder has gone. left for a new place. a place where someday a poor researcher in our position will someday start a blog of their own; a blog of torment. torment because they're not allowed to play the music above level 9. torment because they have to watch their language. torment because they were scolded while engaging in a masterful jigoff "at the workplace" even though it was clearly lunch hour. torment because of all the ridiculous checklists that needed to be filled out like with your chores in the third grade. torment because after two years, they are still constantly second-guessed. torment because they are not able to partake in a normal, human, one-on-one conversation with said person. torment because they get post-its on their desk every 30 minutes even though it probably would've been easier to ,y'know, verbalize it since they work across from each other. not us though. nope, never again. because though small wonder is a virtual bottomless well of stories and visuals, we will no longer post in anguish, but in sweet, sweet memory. why? because we earned it goddammit. hasta la vista boca raton!!!
now that's no quote. that's a universal feeling for anyone who's ever had braces. after months and months of anxious and desperate waiting, the day comes. the removal is slightly painful and bit uncomfortable. but at long last. they're off. the first few hours are the worst. it's all a little strange. you feel like your great-aunt, with your lips flapping over your seemingly bare and receding gums. you drool a bit and grossly overestimate how far your clumsy lips have to go in anticipation of those horrible brackets, making you look like that giraffe you saw at the zoo as it stretched those extra centimeters trying to get that last leaf. and those teeth against your tongue. all smooth and slippery, they've definitely shrunk. but then you wake up the next day. everything is perfectly straight and normal, everything exactly where it's supposed to be. suddenly, it's like this is how it was always meant to be. and you can't stop smiling.
and that's exactly how it feels here in this blessed place. the wind has changed in our little world, and it's not cause of mary poppins. sure, you can liken mary to this person, a little anal, a little stern, but in the end, we're talking apples and oranges. cause there's no amount of sugar that would've made this shit go down. so yes, it's true. small wonder has gone. left for a new place. a place where someday a poor researcher in our position will someday start a blog of their own; a blog of torment. torment because they're not allowed to play the music above level 9. torment because they have to watch their language. torment because they were scolded while engaging in a masterful jigoff "at the workplace" even though it was clearly lunch hour. torment because of all the ridiculous checklists that needed to be filled out like with your chores in the third grade. torment because after two years, they are still constantly second-guessed. torment because they are not able to partake in a normal, human, one-on-one conversation with said person. torment because they get post-its on their desk every 30 minutes even though it probably would've been easier to ,y'know, verbalize it since they work across from each other. not us though. nope, never again. because though small wonder is a virtual bottomless well of stories and visuals, we will no longer post in anguish, but in sweet, sweet memory. why? because we earned it goddammit. hasta la vista boca raton!!!
did you see? your people won last night! said to a latin american person regarding the latin grammys
when you work with phd's and md's, you expect a certain level of intelligence. i mean, they are phd's and md's for christ's sake. so let us introduce the next character, ppr-gramma. the western blot is the most basic skill that a biology researcher should know. so, someone at the pinnacle of biological research (phd), should be able to complete one in a timely matter. it should take roughly two and a half days from the day you lyse and get concentrations to the point when you're exposing. calm down, science nerds, we know they don't always work. sometimes the antibody is shit, and sometimes it makes a dirty blot. but we're talking about the basics here. pouring gels. choosing the correct antibody out of the box. that kind of stuff....
WEEK 1
Day 1 unsuccessfully poured resolving gel three times today. gave up til tomorrow
Day 3 still haven't poured gel right
Day 5 finally mastered resolving gel. too bad week is over
WEEK 2
Day 1 after one failed attempt, resolving gel looks ok. started to pour stacking gel, but it looks too "soft"
Day 3 even though space between glass plates is 1.5mm, successfully managed to stuff .75 mm comb more than halfway into stacking gel, pushing past
the stops created by spacers
Day 5 still decided gel was too "soft" , so is playing with nationally recognized and published formula
WEEK 3
Day 1 a gel!!!!
Day 3 gel didn't work. ran funny. probably because didn't boil samples even though stated in protocol
Day 5 i hate gels
WEEK 4
Day 1 gel worked. ran ok. shit, just realized didn't run colored markers. have no idea where protein is
Day 3 gel worked after second try. ran fine. onto transfer. crap! black to red??? who knew? sure it's color coded, but whatever
Day 5 not enough time to complete
WEEK 5
Day 1 gel worked. ran fine. transfer ok. blocking great. primary overnight. good day
Day 2 secondary aaaaaaand exposure. um, nothing there. fucking hell. p53? i did p23
Day 5 strip blot. try again. still doesn't work. ohhhhh, you strip with 0.2 M NaOH, not 2M
WEEK 6
are you getting the point? this is what it's like, day in and day out. it's september and i bet that shit never even worked. this was january mind you. and the only reason she was doing this was to get mercy-fucked onto a paper. this all because she didn't get either of the two grants she wrote and desperately needs some publications in this publish or perish field. oh ppr.........
when you work with phd's and md's, you expect a certain level of intelligence. i mean, they are phd's and md's for christ's sake. so let us introduce the next character, ppr-gramma. the western blot is the most basic skill that a biology researcher should know. so, someone at the pinnacle of biological research (phd), should be able to complete one in a timely matter. it should take roughly two and a half days from the day you lyse and get concentrations to the point when you're exposing. calm down, science nerds, we know they don't always work. sometimes the antibody is shit, and sometimes it makes a dirty blot. but we're talking about the basics here. pouring gels. choosing the correct antibody out of the box. that kind of stuff....
WEEK 1
Day 1 unsuccessfully poured resolving gel three times today. gave up til tomorrow
Day 3 still haven't poured gel right
Day 5 finally mastered resolving gel. too bad week is over
WEEK 2
Day 1 after one failed attempt, resolving gel looks ok. started to pour stacking gel, but it looks too "soft"
Day 3 even though space between glass plates is 1.5mm, successfully managed to stuff .75 mm comb more than halfway into stacking gel, pushing past
the stops created by spacers
Day 5 still decided gel was too "soft" , so is playing with nationally recognized and published formula
WEEK 3
Day 1 a gel!!!!
Day 3 gel didn't work. ran funny. probably because didn't boil samples even though stated in protocol
Day 5 i hate gels
WEEK 4
Day 1 gel worked. ran ok. shit, just realized didn't run colored markers. have no idea where protein is
Day 3 gel worked after second try. ran fine. onto transfer. crap! black to red??? who knew? sure it's color coded, but whatever
Day 5 not enough time to complete
WEEK 5
Day 1 gel worked. ran fine. transfer ok. blocking great. primary overnight. good day
Day 2 secondary aaaaaaand exposure. um, nothing there. fucking hell. p53? i did p23
Day 5 strip blot. try again. still doesn't work. ohhhhh, you strip with 0.2 M NaOH, not 2M
WEEK 6
are you getting the point? this is what it's like, day in and day out. it's september and i bet that shit never even worked. this was january mind you. and the only reason she was doing this was to get mercy-fucked onto a paper. this all because she didn't get either of the two grants she wrote and desperately needs some publications in this publish or perish field. oh ppr.........
8.22.2003
does this computer take me to the internet printer?
(our titles are all going to be quotes of the day from this glorious place. they may have nothing to do with the post at all, but hey, they're great)
there are many characters in our lab and we will slowly introduce them to you. if we tried all at once, it would take years to cover the many facets of each and every one of them. the first, and most heinous, we'll call small wonder, in tribute to vicky and her wonderful 80s show. however, the onion beat us to the punch and printed a story which describes her more accurately than we could ever aspire.........
(our titles are all going to be quotes of the day from this glorious place. they may have nothing to do with the post at all, but hey, they're great)
there are many characters in our lab and we will slowly introduce them to you. if we tried all at once, it would take years to cover the many facets of each and every one of them. the first, and most heinous, we'll call small wonder, in tribute to vicky and her wonderful 80s show. however, the onion beat us to the punch and printed a story which describes her more accurately than we could ever aspire.........
8.13.2003
